I'm a tabletop gamer, which naturally means I play Role Playing Games like Dungeons and Dragons. And if you lived in the Bible Belt and went to church in the 80s, you know that Dungeons and Dragons is Satan's tool to woo the unsuspecting youth into a life of Satanic servitude. Of course, DnD wasn't the only target: Saturday morning cartoons, rock music (both secular and Christian), and Yoga are all apart of the Neopagan agenda to damn souls for all eternity.
Now that October is upon us, here are a few video artifacts to view while playing our Spoopy Satanic Panic Drinking Game
Note: We here at NH! Productions encourage you to drink responsibly, and only if you are of age.
Rule 1: Drink anytime someone mentions how you need to "take a serious look" at secular media, or tries to seek you Christian media instead
First up, "Youth Suicide Fantasy" by Dan and Steve Peters. These guys used to tour the country talking about the negative (i.e. Satanistic and Pagan) influences in Rock musician lifestyles, songs, and album covers. This video is almost a half hour long, and was sent to churches all across the country.
Fun fact: Did you know that Dan and Steve Peters also wrote a book on this very topic called "Why Knock Rock?" No? Well, after viewing this cinematic piece of garbage you'll find it impossible to rid your mind of the title and promotional image of the book cover - this video is just a 28 minute long advertisement for it! In fact, at rough estimate there are over 40 separate mentions of the book in the film. Factor in mentions of burning secular music and buying good, Christian music from a Christian book store near you, and you'll end up pretty tipsy
Rule 2: Drink when someone says "Neo-pagan".
Rule 3: Drink when someone talks about how they were down and out, turned on the TV, saw a Christian program, and are now saved (one drink for each step).
So, you questioned why you should "Knock Rock," and now you wonder what could possibly be worse? Enter The 700 Club with their Magnum Opus of the mid-90s: "Lost Without a Compass". LWaC is a VHS tape that the Christian Broadcasting Network (you know them now as "ABC Family") sold back in the day. You can occasionally find copies on Amazon and eBay sometimes going for as much as $40 (at the time of writing, you can find a few copies used on Amazon for $9).
What is The 700 Club? It was a news show on CBN, and saying anything else will spoil the fun for the uninitiated. Oh, don't worry - LWaC is comprised of the best bits of 10 different episodes that deal with what the show's producers feel is the biggest areas where America has turned away from its roots as a Christian Nation. Featuring skits written by a Neo-paganist conspiracy theorist church-going Grandmother, your brain will love it. We've found a full rip on YouTube (and have it below), but you'll find much more satisfaction if you just buy the tape and pop it in that dusty VCR.
Bonus Round: Watch the video below, and Take a Shot Every time someone makes an outlandish statement about the satanism inherent in Saturday Morning Cartoons and Toys.
SKELETORRRRRRRRR MASTER OF UNIVERRRRRRRRRRSE...